Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
