Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
