dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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