he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
