I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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