I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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