So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was born a porn star she said
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
