I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
