now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize