Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
