i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
