I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
