i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
