I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
