My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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