There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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