Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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