I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
