just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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