haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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