there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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