I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
