pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
