Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
