she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
