I heard we made out
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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