im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
