i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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