she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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