Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
