Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
