You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize