I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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