before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize