He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
