My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
