If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
