You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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