i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
