What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
