u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
