Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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