none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
