so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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