Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
