Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
someone owes me an orgasm
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
