He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
