I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
