yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
