Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
