Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dicks are not precious.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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