i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
