I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
