I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He better not be in your backpack
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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