I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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