he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
