I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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