i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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