then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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