his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
