Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
