remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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