He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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