paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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