he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
