he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
