How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
