Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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