guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
