My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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