Your face is a jimmy john
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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