So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
