What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
