thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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