What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
