dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i've created a new STD.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize