they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
