I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
