So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize