You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
